Posted in Try Something New Tuesday

Try Something New Tuesday: Sweet Sticky Thing!

Happy Try Something New Tuesday!

It’s possible that my drive to embrace life has been sparked from the recent procession of deaths. From my best friend’s mother-in-law, along with the passing of the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, and war hero, Maverick Senator John McCain.   In their own way, they all lived their lives boldly and honestly.  They refused to settle in the day to day routine and they all reached for experiences that were often challenging.

This Try Something New video below by Michael Hsu  is interesting. I had no idea that I wanted to watch cashews being roasted, until I  watched and re-watched Hsu roasting cashews.

 

My try something new wasn’t roasting cashews. However, after seeing Hsu’s video I’m very open to the experience!  My experience was about breaking from the norm of my routine.  Whenever I go to my favorite Pho restaurant I always order the same exact thing. Always.  This time, I decided to change it up an try something new.

I placed my Sticky Rice w/ Mango order to  take with me to enjoy later in the evening.  I LOVE MANGO, but had never had sticky rice.  Since this was a dessert and I like rice, I incorrectly assumed the dish would be similar to rice pudding.

Later on in the evening, when it was Walk-On-The-Wild-Sticky-Rice-Side o’clock,  I opened the container. My first thought was “What the heck did I get myself into?!”  I assumed that the green glow was from the saran wrap.  Nope.  That rice was actually green.  Maybe all Sticky Rice is green. But I’m a beautiful Black woman, we don’t have green rice, we just don’t.

But there it was.  Looking all florescent and Hulk-ish.   There was no turning back.   I took my fork and struggled as I tried to separate the rice apart.  Almost working up a sweat doing so.  I refused to be defeated. I began to feel deep down, that maybe, three bites of this illuminating green dish might give me a dash of super human powers.  Could I possibly fix the water crisis in Flint, Michigan?  Could I possibly give every single mother a break and peace of mind? Could I possibly,  if I consumed not three, but a whomping six bites, have the power to impeach?  I had to try. I had to find out.

But the cement, they called Sticky Rice was tougher than my fork.  I eventually mustered up the strength for one bite.  Chewed  and chewed and  chewed……and chewed.  It was around this time, I began to fear what in the world I was putting in my body, especially with a fresh apple nearby rolling it’s eyes at me.

I eventually had to give up.  I had no choice. My fork wept from the fact of having to return to the drawer as the utensil that grains of rice beat up.

I never made it to six bites.  And for that I am deeply sorry.

I’m not alone in this right?  We can try something new together.  I would love to hear what your “try something new is”, no matter how small, it’s all about the effort of not settling for the routine and predictable.   Maybe together we’ll find our super power.

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Posted in Finding Myself at Fifty

Simple & Sweet My Foot!

August 2018.

Everything about this moment in time is meaningful, deep and symbolic.

I recently had the privilege of being included in the USA Today Magazine Best Years edition.  The task was sweet and simple, “If I could write my younger self, what would I say?”

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I am 50 years old, and still finding myself. In many ways I have changed from my younger self.  I would like to think in some ways I am wiser.  But I also feel exactly as I did in my 40’s, 30’s and 20’s (Dear God, am I really reflecting over DECADES of time that has passed?!).  The core of who I am remains the same. Our spirit might dim, might shine brighter – but essentially the core of who we are always remains the same.

When I stop to think “What would I tell my younger self?”, that one simple & sweet question was everything but.

Every time traveling note I attempted, was full of advice I felt like I was  presently avoiding, Ok, running from. I had created a life for myself that consisted of moments of joy and happiness, on the foundation of fear and manipulation. A combination I welcomed and prayed for once upon a time.  Any woman who yearned for who she felt was her Soulmate will understand this.

I felt like I was lying to my past self; in denial to my present self; and betraying my future self.  Simple and sweet question my foot!  This was life changing.  One day I will share the details of  the impact this one question’s ripple affect had. It’s all a bit to raw to do so now. Healing is in it’s infancy stages, Wait, I’m being prideful…. healing is in it’s embryo stage.  What I can say is that I have forced myself to listen to the advice I would share to the younger me. I forced myself to face the reality of my present circumstances.  And made the extremely hard and difficult decision to be my own advocate for my peace and well being.

Which sucks.  It’s painful.  It’s difficult,  scary and consists of  weeping everyday at one point or another.  Including at work in front of my manager during a meeting. SO embarrassing!  Poor guy, he looked so concerned and confused as I sobbed in front of him. I can NOW see his  “What did I do?” expression somewhat comical. As he did nothing wrong at all. He simply mentioned the name of the man I had been in a relationship with for twenty-five years and living with for the past six years.  My manager had no way of knowing that days before this meeting took place, I left the Man I once wanted to be with forever.  He had no way of knowing our time was up.

Tears aside, what I’m telling you that it’s gut wrenching to walk away from a life that was to be “forever and ever”.

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This entry is reflected as the first on my blog. I have been writing for years.  Some of my work has appeared in magazines both nationally and regionally. This blog at one point had years worth of content on it.  YEARS!  I have wiped the slate clean.  I deleted all the posts.

This blog is in complete synergy with my life.  Leaving the past, the dysfunction behind, and starting over from scratch.

What would I tell my younger self?  The exact same thing I tell myself today – “You are enough.  You are stronger than you know.  Your self worth is defined by you and ONLY YOU.”  

Maybe deep down,  I knew this 25 years ago. What I do know, is that this time I am listening. This time I’m trusting the Universe … and trusting myself.